I Miss My Grandma

     On a day like today, in this very moment I would like to rest my head on my grandma's (my dad's mom) knees and tell her to pat my head. I just want to feel her hands brushing through hair and giving me this sense of calm that only she can give me. But 1. she lives over 3,000 miles away from me and 2. even of I were to be in front of her I would never say "grandma pat my head" o would I lay my head in her knees and if she were to take the initiative and try to do either or both I would freak the f out and wouldn't allow her. Why? because that just how I am. I don't feel comfortable with such displays of physical interactions. Even if it is what my soul longs for, in practice I would feel so uncomfortable that I wouldn't be able to bear it. 

     Yet I miss her, she has this thing to her that is so solemn. She barely ever raises her voice yet her strong character is reflected in her being, she is like a column to me a big, tall, beautiful column. Talking to her, seeing her brings me peace, it gives me a sense of ease. She who has been through a lot in her life has this quality to make storms seem like drizzle, she is so honest it hurts but she is never cruel. And she loves me so much it brings me to tears. Any who I miss her, I miss her, I miss her!. I even miss her hot chocolate that I always refused to drink, I miss how she smelled like vick's vapor rub in the evenings, and the smell of her morning tea.

My grams celebrating her bday in India, because that how she rolls :D