Twenty Fourteen

src: google 

Twenty thirteen I bid you goodbye! I'm so done with you, is not even funny but I'm here to write about 2014 a new year, a new slate, a new conundrum of opportunities just waiting to be seize, or not. If I learned something from 2013 was that sometimes is all about what we sow, twenty thirteen was not the year I expected or that I would have like it to be but it was a year in which I reap the fruits of things I sow in earlier years. Although I'm not very proud of myself for 2013 I still want to "pat my own shoulder" and I want to take a moment to be kind (for once) and to say to myself I'm proud of you, this year I was face with many challenges and situation in which I felt I should have been a lot more: more brave, more calm, more graceful, more loving, more forgiving, etc yet I know that in each of the circumstances I was face with I gave my best and I did the best I could do, I always tried to show love and mercy and grace to others such as what I've received from God and my brothers and sisters in the faith. I acknowledge I have a long way to go but I have also come a long long way. And I'm proud of that.

With this coming year I welcome a year that I reckon will be full of challenges, a year in which I know I have to be brave and believe in myself and first and foremost believe God and the plans he has for me. This is always the hardest part for me: b e l i e v i n g. That I can and that I'm good enough and that God has plans for me and that he has equipped me with the things I need to achieve said things. I face 2014 with the knowledge that whether I get them or not I must go for the things I want, I must be less passive about my life, my dreams and my goals. It hit me as a surprised the realization that I have so many dreams, me, a person whose dreams where once dried and non existent is now full of dreams and things to look forward to. 

God is good all the time! And is something I'm learning everyday I've been blessed with friends that love me and accept me despite my weirdness and randomness and yes my prickliness and moodiness yet I have met people who stand by me, and actually cherish me and for that I can't thank him enough. In this new year I'm looking forward to wonder, and miracles and amazement. 

This year I also got a bit obsessed with flowers, as a literary device, as a flowers in itself hahhaa. Flowers I notice (and everything else in life) are all about timing. There's a time for everything. Flowers are planted and they is a matter of time before they bloom, and once they bloom wow, flowers in full bloom has got be the one of the most beautiful things to witness. Even if their time in bloom is brief, it doesn't matter it was their purpose to bloom and to be and to be witness of the wonderfulness of their creator. And that's what I'm looking forward, I'm looking forward to my time to bloom, to be everything I was created to be, I'm looking forward to appreciating and loving every season in my life, enjoying the journey and the fleeting moments. And rejoicing in the promise that the best is yet to come. 

As I say all this since today I want to say to myself: It's okay. If I make mistakes and if things don't pan out exactly as I wish is okay. Please dear me, take comfort in the fact that you are striving with all your heart. Be content with doing your best and learn to be done with the day, with things and just move forward to a brand new day. You'll be okay. You've come a long a way. 

My resolutions for this coming year: 

• Try new things 
• Make new things 
• Learning 
• Push myself 
• Be more kind 
• Be more courageous 
• To dare (even if I'm dead scared) 
• To grow 

Dos mil catorce voy a por ti! ;) 

Gracias a la vida que me ha dado tanto Me ha dado la risa y me ha dado el llanto, Así yo distingo dicha de quebranto Los dos materiales que forman mi canto Y el canto de ustedes que es el mismo canto Y el canto de todos que es mi propio canto. 

For Jane | C.B

when you left
you took almost
everything.
I kneel in the nights
before tigers
that will not let me be.

what you were
will not happen again.
the tigers have found me
and I do not care. 

Charles Bukowski

#OnRepeat d^_^b

One day;

"One day she will be able to make the flowers bloom"

  For someone to have that kind of faith in you (even more than yourself) is moving, is humbling and above all is encouraging. So I kept thinking to myself: one day... one day I'll definitely make (my) flowers bloom... one day for sure I'll bloom... one day certainly my life will be in full bloom. Til then I'll just keep on keeping.

...

Que difícil se me esta haciendo estar presente en mi propia vida.

Scaffolding

Masons, when they start upon a building,

Are careful to test out the scaffolding;

Make sure that planks won’t slip at busy points,
Secure all ladders, tighten bolted joints.

And yet all this comes down when the job’s done
Showing off walls of sure and solid stone.

So if, my dear, there sometimes seems to be
Old bridges breaking between you and me

Never fear. We may let the scaffolds fall
Confident that we have built our wall.

Seamus Heaney 

...

...que peligroso amor es tu amor para mi.

Nice to know you... goodbye!

Brandon is so flawless live... *goosebumps*

Caught up

Even though I try I can't let go Something in your eyes Captured my soul And every night I see you in my dreams You're all I know I can't let go

The Evening Gown

My own little version of the evening gown by Magritte.

I Wonder...

Do I ever cross you mind, anytime
Do you ever wake up reaching out for me
DO I EVER CROSS YOUR MIND, anytime

Maybe if I told you the right words at the right time, you'll be mine.

...but words don't come easily.

It's okay if it's you

src:tumblr

"....It'll always be okay, as long as it's you. Because at the end whether I run or hide it's always you." (ocho años despues sigue siendo tu) 

Fondness

I'm really fond of this blog, is a record of my journey in the past few years.
Is far from being a good blog, is very introspective and random,
but also honest.

I really feel like my journey in this blog is coming to a closing,
I just do, I've been trying to shake it off.
but I think is about time for me to move on.

Fragment

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.   

But I have promises to keep,   

And miles to go before I sleep,   

And miles to go before I sleep.

--Robert Frost 

Tender Is The Night

I love palm trees! The evening today was kind of perfect, the weather was great, the sky was beautiful and I was there contemplating a beautiful sunset in the city. Not too shabby, not too shabby :)

I Shall Not Dwell

I decided that I will not dwell on things past anymore...
Not in the friends that I lost
Not in the hands that I let go
Not in the things I did not say
Not even in the good times...
because they are in the past after all.

Is time, is about time that I move forward without
bringing the past with me, is time that I allow myself a clean slate
Is time for me to let go, and let God, and life, and wonder happen to me.
Time to sway and swirl and bask in the premise of what's to come.
Is about that time, time for life to happen.

So I'm opening the doors and windows of my heart
to let wonder, grace and love in.
Opening up my soul to new possibilities, to new dreams,
to new outcomes.
The hurt and anger from the past shall stay there, the jadedness
shall stay too.
I'll only allow myself to look back to revisit the lessons learned,
to remind myself the loads I'm not carrying anymore.

I'm just freeing myself of myself.
Of all my self-imposed burden,
of the things and of the people I refused
to let go of, but I'm letting go now,
no harsh feelings, no revenge in the plotting.
I'm just letting go because I've finally understood:
I have to.

I have to close chapters to begin new ones
I have to walk a new path if I want to arrive at a new destination
I have to walk out of the circle to actually have a journey
Because I really want to make the most out of this life,
of the time I'm giving and I truly believe I've wasted way too
much time and energy in things that are already dead,
so it's time to sow new things, different things so that I
may reap new and different things.

And to God be the glory I will :)
Thanks you Jesus, Thank you Lord please do not let me 
forget this feeling, this conviction with which I'm writing 
today, to let go and let you be you who are in my life, 
and lead me to where you want me. 
Amen.  

Fireworks by Chu Yo-han

    Ah, the day is waning, in the western sky, over the 
lonely river, the even pinkish glow is fading.. ah, when 
the sun sets, when the sun sets, night will return without 
fail. I weep alone beneath the apricot tree, but today is the
eight of april and the sound of a crowd flooding the
boulevard betokens festivities to come, so why am I the
only one unable to stifle the tears welling up in my hear? 
    
    Ah, it’s dancing, it’s dancing, the blood red flame, it’s 
dancing. Peering down from the hushed castle gate, the 
odor of water, the odor of sand, when the torc, biting
the night, biting the sky, as if still hungering, bites and 
tears at its own flesh, a solitary youth weighted with a 
darkened heart hurls his blue dream of yesterday into the 
river, yet will the heartless waves suspend its shadow in 
the flow? Ah, there never was a flower that does not wilt 
once cut, yet the thought of my love departed kills the life
in my heart. Ah, well what’s to be done, shall I burn this
heart, shall I slay this sorrow with that flame? Yesterday,
again, dragging my aching feet, I went to her grave to 
find the flowers wasted by winter had given way to 
unforeseen blooms. Will love’s spring eve return, I won-
der? Ah, with my heart freely bared, this night, into this
water… might someone take pity on me… just then:
“T’ung!” “T’ang!” Roman candles burst, spewing fiery
blossoms, startled me back to my senses, the hubbub of 
the spectators seems to mock me, to scold me. Ah, with 
ever deeper passion I want to live, even submerged in 
smoke like yon flames, even in the agony of suffocating
flames, I want to lead a fiery life, and the sudden throb of 
the heart is none but my own…
   
    When the warm April wind rushes across the river, 
high on the hill of Chōngnyu Tower by Moran Peak, a 
dusky crowd of people sways, with each burst of wind the 
flame-dyed waves burn with mad laughter, spooked fish 
take cover in the sand, waves slap the ships broadside, 
figures pace to and fro with a drowsy rhythm—flickering 
shadows, rising peals of laughter beneath lanterns hang-
ing overhead, a child Gisaeng warbles at the top of her 
voice, the fireworks igniting sudden lust now are tire-
some, one glass, another glass, yet another, the endless
wine no longer welcome, lying listless in the filthy bot-
tom of a boat, idle tears redden my eyes, weary of the 
incessant drumming, men with leering eyes leap from the 
boat, unable to endure their rekindled desire, as the 
dying candles left behind the doze on the hems of rumpled 
skirts, the squeaking of the oars, as if the sound signified 
something, presses still harder on my heart…
    
    Ah, the river waters are laughing, laughing, a 
grotesque laugh it is, the laugh and icy river laughs looking 
up at a pitch dark sky. Ah, the boat is gaining, the boat is 
gaining, sadly, sadly squeaking at every gush of wind, the 
boat is gaining… 
    
    Row the boat, all the way to Nungna Island asleep 
there in the distance, slice through the Taedong’s swift 
currents. Turn your boat straight toward the hill where 
your beloved stands barefoot waiting. What of the cold 
wind rising in the waves’ wake? What of the noise of that 
grotesque laughter? What- for you- of the darkened 
heart of a youth bereft of love, though without shadows 
there can be no light. Oh, only do not forgo this your 
day of certainty. Oh, oh, burn, burn! This vey night! 
Your red torch, your red lips, your eyes and your red 
tears… 

by: Chu Yo-Han 

I want a new beginning...