It's my birthday!!!

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I had an awesome birthday! Thanks God for friends, for life, for faith, for the little moments. Thanks everyone. Each one and every one of you made me feel so bless and thankful to be alive.

50 minutes left

and then is my birthday!
I even have a birthday song...well I have several but this one in particular is funny & witty.
aaah I can't wait =)

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Mad World 2

Mad World 2 by Peihang

It's almost my birthday

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  My birthday is around the corner and I'm already preparing myself for a crappy birthday. I have this "thing" that is just like I know for sure it will suck. First of all my birthday will be mid-week which basically means everybody works and I'll pretty much be home alone up until 6 pm (that is when my mom gets home) and my closest friends are and will still be out of town. In the last few months I've been so busy with school, work and what not that I pretty much been out of the loop being an island and stuff. Also I've been so emotional lately that even cartoons make me (damn you hormones!) so I know that the slightest thing that happens or does not happens on my birthday WILL actually get to me.
  On the other hand is not that I buy in the 'omg i'm getting old" thing I actually cherish getting to live another year but this year getting older feels burdensome and frustrating mainly because I have made it another year where I haven't accomplish anything: I still don't have my degree, I still don't have a driver license, I have not seen the places I want to see...  Is so frustrating I have this long list of things I just have not done and that infuriates me so much and makes me feels frustrated. It's like I have my wings clipped.
   Which makes me wonder: when? when will it be my time to fly? to do these things I want to do so much but that seem so unattainable. It's like everything gets in the way life, murphy's law, money, etc... is like is never my time and right now I just wonder will it ever be my time? when? Oh right this was about my birthday, it's not like I'm setting myself up for defeat and all that I'm just looking at the facts, I don't want to get my hopes up and think otherwise because for me to have a good birthday a lot of facts/things will have to come together in a miracle like concoction and I don't see that happening it's better if I keep it real. So yeah here's hoping I make it unscathed and I don't turn into an emotional wreck.

so yeah

For the Nth time I changed the name of this blog, so yeah...

PS: I also got my first question thank you to whoever took the time for asking and sorry I couldn't comply to your request.

can you please add the follow widget? thanks love your blog!

I don't think I'll be adding the follow widget thought, mostly because I don't want to focus on how many followers I have, you know? I tend to get self- conscious about what I write and all that if I'm aware of how many people follow my blog. Thank you so much for liking my blog :)

Ask me anything

Peach Sunset

 
   The sunset was b e a u tiful! Yesterday it was peach colored, it was so pretty. A sight to be seen I tell ya'. That's the thing about life, there's so much beauty and meaning in the little things. Sometimes I forget about this. I've been walking my dog at the same time for a while now. Everyday I see the sunset and yet everyday is a different sight, everyday is unique, each day has it's own colors. Sometimes the colors are very muted and others it seems like the sky is exploding.
   Yesterday my sister & nephew joined me as I walked my dog. It was awesome as much as I like walking my dog by myself because its my time to relax and think and all that stuff, it was actually quite nice having company. I don't know what's with me lately but I have this "need" (for a lack of a better word) to connect with people, to not be by myself, which is actually totally against my character since I actually like being alone. But it's ok, I guess from time to time even us loners feel the need to connect. And that's fine with me. We walked over 4 miles, that felt like nothing! maybe because we were having so much fun chatting and what not hahah. I don't think my dog was as amused as we were though hahah.

Jotta A- Agnus Dei

I have no tears left, this kid is 12 years old and the passion with which he's just praising the Lord is humbling, he was not there to win, to appeal the audience he was there to praise the Lord God Almighty. Even as I type this tears stream down my face.

Random

My favorite colors are black, grey/slate and purple. Sometimes indigo, white and navy blue. I like all kinds of purple but the really pale lavender ones those I dislike because they are much too pinkish for my taste. And I like minimalistic aesthetic, as to why my blog ended up being bright yellow & bright green really is beyond me hahah. I like it for now, maybe it will gone tomorrow maybe not, well see. I just wanted a little change from my usual colors, since everything I own ends up being a shade of purple or black or slate. On a last note this entry is so random, I can't even yet am I mad, not even! hahah

PS: I just ate 6 plus (I stopped counting after that) mini candy bars that I snatched from my nephew because and I quote myself "too much candy is bad for you" *sight* I'm a bad, bad auntie hahah.

PSS: The bright yellow lasted less that I thought it would, I seriously could not stand de brightness and after trying almost every template I ended up with black and white...again hahah but is good is timeless right? a la Coco Chanel hahah

That person...

  It doesn't matter if it was at Shinsa-donng, at 34th st and 5th ave, in the botanical gardens or a local movie theater I think it has happen to the best of us, that we have waited for someone that never showed up...and for some of us we never saw them again or in a really long time.

Coreografia

En fin
que no he vivido nada.
No sé qué cosa es una guerra
y tengo como prisión al cuerpo
y alma como campo de batalla.

Me debato entre la duda
de reflexionar o fluir;
esto es situarse en el palco de los espectadores,
o estar
en cada íntimo instante del milagro.

Vivo de pedacitos,
pero aspiro a la totalidad,
es decir a Mozart y al poema que me redima
y me revele los espacios absolutos
y la nada.

Percibo de mí
los sitios más secretos:
la culpa,
una tercera conciencia de las cosas,
la dualidad del pensamiento,
la ira pequeña
por lo que ya ocurrió.
Pero he vivido poco. Treinta años.
Dos amores de piel
y un querer abandonar
esta espera que me señala la vida.

Anhelo la anarquía,
el más tierno desorden del amor,
la cábala
los relojes de arena y una habitación sencilla.

Quiero tener un destino trazado de antemano,
encontrarme con Dios
y los abismos
y no tener conciencia de la llama.
Ser la llama misma y la aventura.

Pero vengo de soledades últimas,
de conversaciones que nunca concluyeron,
de espejos que me miraron desde la infancia hasta ahora,
de abandonados armarios de caoba que fueron
de tías o de abuelas remotísimas.

Cuán poco he vivido.
No conozco la guerra. Y tampoco la paz.
Me duele la orfandad,
el desarraigo,
el sentirme extranjera en cualquier sitio,
el no pertenecer
a una familia o a una patria.

No puedo narrar una batalla;
ni hablar del hambre y de la peste,
ni escribir la canción de algún soldado herido,
ni hablar de mujer violada,
ni decir cómo es un cementerio después de una llovizna.

Pero anhelo decir en el poema
que la vida me conmueve,
que respiro mejor cuando me entrego,
que necesito amar de la manera más simple y primitiva.
Me gusta la paz y la defiendo
y la guerra cuando es justa,
y el sabor de las mandarinas cuando llega el verano,
que me gusta ser una y arraigarme en el cosmos,
y sentir que mi vida palpita al mismo tiempo que la vida,
aunque no haya vivido,
aunque mi hambre sea de infinito,
aunque no sepa expresar
que por alguna razón precisa estoy aquí,
a punto de vencer,
a punto de morir,
de vivir.

                      Mia Gallegos 

Buzzer Beat: Love Makes Me Strong

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Kings of Leon

              I'm currently compulsively obsessed with this song

"Lay where you are laying don't make a sound. I know they are watching...they are watching..."

walking

Some raw, unedited and uneventful pictures of todays walk with my dog. Today we walked for almost an hour while I listened to "sex on fire" by Kings of Leon the whole time. Life is good. God is good :)

sunset walks

Lately

I do not feel like writing (or talking for that matter) at all. You can say I'm a very contemplative state of mind, just watching things unfold and trying to make sense out of them. I'll post a few pictures I took with my phone as I walked my dog.

Sometimes When it Rains

Just close your eyes & let the music take you away ;)

good ol' conversation

     I vented so much today. I met up with a dear cousin of mine who needed to talk as well and boy did we talked hahah I thank her and I thank God. Sometimes there are some things that don't matter if write them on a blog, on a notebook, etc they don't seem to go away, you don't see the exit nor the answer. Did me and my cousin found answers today? not quite, no. But I felt a little less lonely, a lot more real, like I wasn't losing it. There were no definite answers to our issues but my heart feels lighter and my shoulders feel less heavy. It's amazing what a good conversation can do for a person soul.

the song that keeps breaking my heart

"fathers be good to your daughters, daughters will love like you do"

Vida

                  ...Quiero alas!!

Evening Mode

Evening Mode, Jian Wu

hey life,

       ...take a chance on me ;) 

It's your birthday!

jessica.diamond@flickr

It's my mom's b-day today and I'm such an emotional mess right now hahah I just love her you know. She's all I have. My all. My love. The reason why I strive to be a better me everyday. It's really hard to put into words just how much she means to me. She's my all. My love. Mi mamilinda.

Beautiful People

"Don't let 'em bring you down, no! Your beauty is inside... you"

of the barking kind

     It looks like lately I haven't been talking as much as I have been barking. Today my sister called me out on me being brash and harsh with my words. She said to me that lately, every time I open my mouth something harsh and/ or hurtful comes out. I was frozen with surprise because I hadn't notice but is like once she said it the last couple of days played in my head and man she is so right! Now I feel like a douche because of all the people who have gotten the backlash of my words, I mean like wtf is wrong with me? I'm so hurt over this situation because I hurt my sister feeling's, and that makes me feel bad because I really didn't mean to. I allowed all the stuff that happening get to me and turn me into this 'thing' that just spits harsh word, just because I can.
     Ahhh this cut so deep. I've always desire to be one of those people who have the ability to convey love and kindness with their attitude and words. I have met some people like that, sometimes they don't have to be real close to you or to talk about what wrong with you but just the mere interaction with them leaves the lingering feeling of love, of someone that cares. Yet I seem to be the opposite of this; a person who stomps on others feeling without even realizing it. I really need to get a grip, to get my sh*t together. It seems like I really need God right now. I want to be a person whose demeanor exudes love for those around me.
      I haven't been able to apologize to my sis, and I'm thinking on what to say or do, to clear this up. I feel like sh*t because I do not want her to hurt because of me. I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY!!!!! I really am. I feel like crying but I don't want to cry because it does not solve anything. I want to apologize yet I don't see myself doing it because I'll likely choke on my tears trying to explain how sorry I am, and my sister being how she is ahhhh so frustrating (my sis & me well you see we are not good at expressing our feelings) so the way I see it things might turn into a sob fest or I might end up not saying anything and wallow in my misery some more because that's always fun.

Summer Berries :D

Nothing like raspberries in the summer, I mean they taste great all year long but the summer sun adds a like kick you know? hahah it's like you can taste it! So yummy I actually ate two pints before I even realize it, love them summer berries.

Stuck in Reverse

"...when you try your best but you don't succeed" 

      I'm so frustrated right now because I'm literally stuck in reverse no matter how hard I try or do my very best I can't seem to win or to catch a break. It's really getting to me to the point where is mining my self esteem, affecting my dreams and goals. It's making lose my hope and my faith. Because I can't comprehend it, I just can't. I'm giving my all, my very best. I try my hardest and yet the results are not showing. And no this not about a guy or nothing romantic, is about my life, about how I strive to be the best can be, give out by best and yet the outcome is not the best not even average. I'm so exhausted (which I've said like 100 already in previous post) but I really am. I don't know how much longer I can keep on "pressing on", I tell myself not be dismay and to not ever think about giving up but as of lately it sounds like what I need.

Las Caras de la Suerte II

"El temor mas grande de Enrique era que pudiera llegar a olvidar a su madre por completo. Ella había muerto cuando el tenia seis y eso había sido hacia tres años enteros. El revivía los recuerdos de ella una y otra vez hasta que estos parecían mas como una película vieja que algo real... Mas que nada Enrique extrañaba su aroma, una mezcla delicada de jazmín y sudor."

Cristina Garcia

(fragmento)