Fondness

I'm really fond of this blog, is a record of my journey in the past few years.
Is far from being a good blog, is very introspective and random,
but also honest.

I really feel like my journey in this blog is coming to a closing,
I just do, I've been trying to shake it off.
but I think is about time for me to move on.

Fragment

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.   

But I have promises to keep,   

And miles to go before I sleep,   

And miles to go before I sleep.

--Robert Frost 

Tender Is The Night

I love palm trees! The evening today was kind of perfect, the weather was great, the sky was beautiful and I was there contemplating a beautiful sunset in the city. Not too shabby, not too shabby :)

I Shall Not Dwell

I decided that I will not dwell on things past anymore...
Not in the friends that I lost
Not in the hands that I let go
Not in the things I did not say
Not even in the good times...
because they are in the past after all.

Is time, is about time that I move forward without
bringing the past with me, is time that I allow myself a clean slate
Is time for me to let go, and let God, and life, and wonder happen to me.
Time to sway and swirl and bask in the premise of what's to come.
Is about that time, time for life to happen.

So I'm opening the doors and windows of my heart
to let wonder, grace and love in.
Opening up my soul to new possibilities, to new dreams,
to new outcomes.
The hurt and anger from the past shall stay there, the jadedness
shall stay too.
I'll only allow myself to look back to revisit the lessons learned,
to remind myself the loads I'm not carrying anymore.

I'm just freeing myself of myself.
Of all my self-imposed burden,
of the things and of the people I refused
to let go of, but I'm letting go now,
no harsh feelings, no revenge in the plotting.
I'm just letting go because I've finally understood:
I have to.

I have to close chapters to begin new ones
I have to walk a new path if I want to arrive at a new destination
I have to walk out of the circle to actually have a journey
Because I really want to make the most out of this life,
of the time I'm giving and I truly believe I've wasted way too
much time and energy in things that are already dead,
so it's time to sow new things, different things so that I
may reap new and different things.

And to God be the glory I will :)
Thanks you Jesus, Thank you Lord please do not let me 
forget this feeling, this conviction with which I'm writing 
today, to let go and let you be you who are in my life, 
and lead me to where you want me. 
Amen.  

Fireworks by Chu Yo-han

    Ah, the day is waning, in the western sky, over the 
lonely river, the even pinkish glow is fading.. ah, when 
the sun sets, when the sun sets, night will return without 
fail. I weep alone beneath the apricot tree, but today is the
eight of april and the sound of a crowd flooding the
boulevard betokens festivities to come, so why am I the
only one unable to stifle the tears welling up in my hear? 
    
    Ah, it’s dancing, it’s dancing, the blood red flame, it’s 
dancing. Peering down from the hushed castle gate, the 
odor of water, the odor of sand, when the torc, biting
the night, biting the sky, as if still hungering, bites and 
tears at its own flesh, a solitary youth weighted with a 
darkened heart hurls his blue dream of yesterday into the 
river, yet will the heartless waves suspend its shadow in 
the flow? Ah, there never was a flower that does not wilt 
once cut, yet the thought of my love departed kills the life
in my heart. Ah, well what’s to be done, shall I burn this
heart, shall I slay this sorrow with that flame? Yesterday,
again, dragging my aching feet, I went to her grave to 
find the flowers wasted by winter had given way to 
unforeseen blooms. Will love’s spring eve return, I won-
der? Ah, with my heart freely bared, this night, into this
water… might someone take pity on me… just then:
“T’ung!” “T’ang!” Roman candles burst, spewing fiery
blossoms, startled me back to my senses, the hubbub of 
the spectators seems to mock me, to scold me. Ah, with 
ever deeper passion I want to live, even submerged in 
smoke like yon flames, even in the agony of suffocating
flames, I want to lead a fiery life, and the sudden throb of 
the heart is none but my own…
   
    When the warm April wind rushes across the river, 
high on the hill of Chōngnyu Tower by Moran Peak, a 
dusky crowd of people sways, with each burst of wind the 
flame-dyed waves burn with mad laughter, spooked fish 
take cover in the sand, waves slap the ships broadside, 
figures pace to and fro with a drowsy rhythm—flickering 
shadows, rising peals of laughter beneath lanterns hang-
ing overhead, a child Gisaeng warbles at the top of her 
voice, the fireworks igniting sudden lust now are tire-
some, one glass, another glass, yet another, the endless
wine no longer welcome, lying listless in the filthy bot-
tom of a boat, idle tears redden my eyes, weary of the 
incessant drumming, men with leering eyes leap from the 
boat, unable to endure their rekindled desire, as the 
dying candles left behind the doze on the hems of rumpled 
skirts, the squeaking of the oars, as if the sound signified 
something, presses still harder on my heart…
    
    Ah, the river waters are laughing, laughing, a 
grotesque laugh it is, the laugh and icy river laughs looking 
up at a pitch dark sky. Ah, the boat is gaining, the boat is 
gaining, sadly, sadly squeaking at every gush of wind, the 
boat is gaining… 
    
    Row the boat, all the way to Nungna Island asleep 
there in the distance, slice through the Taedong’s swift 
currents. Turn your boat straight toward the hill where 
your beloved stands barefoot waiting. What of the cold 
wind rising in the waves’ wake? What of the noise of that 
grotesque laughter? What- for you- of the darkened 
heart of a youth bereft of love, though without shadows 
there can be no light. Oh, only do not forgo this your 
day of certainty. Oh, oh, burn, burn! This vey night! 
Your red torch, your red lips, your eyes and your red 
tears… 

by: Chu Yo-Han 

I want a new beginning...