One of those nights

In which I can't fall sleep. Mostly because my head is not a happy place, my heart is not calm, and I go from nagging myself for being so stupid, to wanting to hit myself upside the head. To see if this time the pain makes me not trip with the same fucking stone. I'm just so dissapointed in myself, so aggravated  with myself that I could just crash myself head on into a wall. I want to cry but I can't, I wan't to feel sorry for myself but I can't. I wan't to tell myself that this is not the end to "hang in there" but I can't. I just can't deal with myself right. It just bothers me to see my stupid face looking back at me. This time I really don't know what to do. I want to tell myself to dust it off and try again but that's what I've been doing and I seem to be walking in fucking circles. I don't know what to do. I'm so conflicted I can't even close my eyes.