Stale Words

   For some reason that escapes me, today, right now I feel like talking about the past (what a surprise!) I have all these words in my head, in my mind ready to come out. Words, feeling, things that I should have said 5 years ago, 6 years ago, well years ago. But I didn't, I ate them up, I store them for later because I honestly thought I could say them anytime I wanted, little did I know that words and feelings have a very short expiration date and that we need to say what we feel when we have the need to say them otherwise they "go bad".

   And I have been holding so much, for so long...I have beat myself up again and again, I've cried and I've drank to forget those words, those feelings that I never had the courage to say, to admit them. I feared that my words would enable change, I thought, no I was convinced that if I didn't talk about it or thought about it than it wasn't real and then things would not change and things would have remain the same. 

   I knew so little about life, so naive I was that I thought I could stop change from happening, change! the only constants in one's life is change: things, feelings, places, the weather, relationships, people they all change. And I know now, I know very well now that I can't say them to either of you. I understand that it will be futile because my words now lack context, validity, meaning and purpose. Because you are not who you use to be, I'm not who I was, and above all we are not who we were.