Somewhere over the rainbow

"...the dreams that you dare to dream, really do come true."

  I'm not dreaming my dream(s), granted I am not by any means over the rainbow, but Dorothy had dreams even in sepia-toned Kansas. I in the other hand do not. And it's really cutting me down to size. As of now I'm not sure if I don't dare to dream or I just simply can't. I really don't know where they went or when exactly I stopped cherishing them. Sometimes is like I want to dream but I don't even know what to dream. I mean what can I dream? My previous ones slowly turned to nightmares. 

  Please often say to "dream big because dreaming is free", this message is everywhere in movies, in tv shows: them people dreaming dreams, people going after their dreams, people living the dream. And it makes me wonder: why can't I? also dare to dream. I really do want to believe in my dreams and hold them tight but I think life has made me a bit of a cynic. I see much to often people living my dreams, people who didn't even wanted this "things", these events happening in their life, people who were just going through life doing their thing are living my dreams, I see them just coasting through life like life is a fun free ride. And that makes me wonder why? why? and I'm not going to lie it might have made me a little bitter. 

  Dreaming is not free, dreaming cost a lot; when your dream comes crashing down in flames is like some part of you dies with them, like even if you move on and get new ones, is not the same. I guess I've failed the part of dreaming new dreams. Some part of me has this fire inside this complete conviction in dreaming and going for it, and the other part of me really doesn't care. After all what is dreaming? What good can come from it? Ugh! I got so much division in my heart. 

"If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow

Why, oh why can't I?"